While watching the excellent Arsenal v. Aston Villa match today, I was struck by this line spoken by the commentator:

It was a ponderous ball played by Arsenal, in a game with no room for ponderousness.

Now, where on the US TV dial (since Howard Cosell's retirement ) would you find an announcer who would even know the meaning of ponderous, let alone use it as part of the running commentary of a game?

I'm not trying to make an argument that soccer is somehow inherently better, or more intellectual, or superior in any way to American football. But the game of soccer is (in general¹) more graceful and as such is more conducive to flowery prose. Luck and individual effort plays a large role in a game's outcome such that commentators may describe an individual effort as "ambitious" and the results as "deserved" (or not).

Again, I'm not necessarily picking on American football; after all, it's an entirely different sport and different sports culture. I reserve most of my criticism for US soccer commentators. I never cringe harder or yell at my tv screen more than when I'm watching soccer being called by US commentators. First off, they seem to feel the need to fill all the available airtime with something, anything, just so long as one of them is talking. English commentators, when the game is speaking for itself will just shut up, maybe calling out the names of players as possession changes. American commentators would discuss Claudio Reyna's hangnail problem or what Bruce Arena had for breakfast if they thought they could avoid a little dead air.

During the 2002 World Cup, I would sometimes intentionally listen to Telemundo's Spanish-language broadcast just to avoid the US announcers. Here's hoping ESPN hires some Brits for this year's World Cup. Or, better yet, just pick up the BBC's feed. That, or I need to learn Spanish.