Setting
Outdoors on the quad of a historically Catholic college campus. The quad is surrounded by vaguely gothic, tan brick buildings. The grass is green the sun is shining. Birds chirp. College students walk to and fro across the quad.
Time
Mid-April. A warm, sunny morning.
Characters
Father Joe - Director of Campus Ministry--think of him as the abbot.
Ben - Highly inquisitive five-year-old boy.
Kari - Mother of Ben. Enjoys letting Ben speak for himself.
Act I, Scene I
(At a picnic table Kari and Ben sit and share a snack of grapes that they had picked up from a buffet table inside one of the buildings. Father Joe emerges on a balcony above and lights a cigar. After some time, Ben takes notice of Father Joe and waves. Father Joe waves back.)
Ben (shouting): What are you doing up there?
Father Joe (exhales a plume of smoke): Looking around. What are you doing?
Ben (still shouting): I'm eating these grapes.
(Ben waves a bunch of grapes in the air. Squirrels scramble after the grapes that have been shaken free and sent rolling down the footpath.)
Father Joe: Grapes? That's great, those are really good for you.
Ben: Where do you get these grapes?
Father Joe: From my grape tree.
Ben: Where is your grape tree?
Father Joe: Next to the spaghetti tree.
Ben: Where's your pasghetti tree?
Father Joe: The pasghetti tree is next to my sausage tree.
Ben: Where's the sausage tree?
Father Joe: Next to my meatball tree.
(Pause. Ben considers his options.)
Ben: How did you get up there?
Father Joe: I threw a rope over the rail here and climbed up.
Ben (eyes widen): Where's the rope?
Father Joe: I put it away. Over there.
(Father Joe points to bell tower on opposite side of the quad. Ben squints in the general direction of the bell tower.)
Ben: Well...how are you going to get down?
Father Joe: Through this door here behind me.
Ben (undaunted): What if someone locks it?
(Father Joe pulls out a heavy, jangling keyring and holds it up for Ben to see.)
Father Joe : I'll use one of these to open it.
Ben (losing interest): Okay, I have to go now. Do a good job!
(Ben and Kari gather the grape stems, wave goodbye. Father Joe waves and watches as they exit stage left.)